I haven’t been writing that much lately, I have just been in this funk. I made an early New Years resolution to go out and be social more; and I have been. It’s just, I always feel like I don’t belong where ever I am. I get along with people but there’s no substance, nothing that holds me in that place and time. Am I a ghost? At least I have been sticking to my resolution, though. I also got a little lucky and met Chad Michael Ward, we’ve been hanging out a bit. It’s pretty awesome because he is the real deal- a real artist! Which I kinda thought were extinct in LA. but I was wrong. He’s kinda like a new wave Clive Barker- whom I am a fan of as well; but Chad is an artist in his own right. They both have the archetypal horror down and have an abundance more waiting to take shape in their photography, art and film. Keep an eye on them.
Anyhow, back to me, I have been going out more but it feels as if, I’m just hiding more. It’s weird, I made the resolution so I wouldn’t isolate myself so much. I tend to isolate because I just don’t want drama in my life. I try to avoid getting into any sort of relationship just because everyone has their issues and I kinda have enough of my own to work through. I want to have my own life and not depend on anyone else to help because if something were to happen then I would still be on my feet. I know I’m jabbering right now but that’s what this blog is for partially, right?
I know I have shown myself in pubic though my modeling or porn but it’s not the same as being seen in the flesh. I don’t think of showing my body or sexual practises as a big deal, compared to showing me, like my mind and heart are seperate entities from my body. I don’t know if that makes sense to you but it does to me.
I’ll continue this later, maybe I can make more sense of it later for you.
XOXO
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